.....MY LITTLE DIARY TO YOU....

 hey!! the exams are all over now!! and i dont really care anymore!! as long as its over!! i really dont give a damn to how did i go with it!! i did it my best though!!
 and really i dont give a damn to mike anymore!! i will go out and make sure that im gonna have a good and relaxing time!! i really wanna take myself away from here!!
 but yeah thats it for today!! i will talk to you later!! cya!!

     I dont know!! had a talk with mike again today!! really think that hes gonna be someone i can respect anyhow our relationship gonna turn out!! maybe its all my fault to push him so much!!! but i did nothing at all!! not even ever started the convo before!!
     oh well, i think i really love him!! too bad!!!
     and a bit worried about the exam tomorrow!! im gonna die!! but yeah wish me luck!!
     anyway thats it for now!! since i forgot to write yesterday!!
         cya all!!

     Im trying me best to maintain my composure!! and my pride!! but seems like its not easy to do so when dealing with love!! im so mentally tired!!
     A part of me wanting to go to a movie with him and seeing him!! cos i know i will miss him so much for 2 weeks off after exams if not being able to see him at all!! i might just give it a last shot to see if he actually wants to make it up for me!! if not, then seriously this guy is not worth anything!!!
     oh well, im feeling a bit better since i was able to get some sleep last night peacefully!!
     but yeah thats for now! ttyl!! cya!!

    well i wouldnt say i did my best for the exam today!! but i dont really care@@ and my brain is just half dead already!! i hope u guyz our there r all having a nice time!! cos im not!! i m about to sleep here!! the herbal sleeping tablets really work!! hurray!!
    well i dont know anymore!! i dont even know what r my feelings to Michael anymore!! seems like he does care for me a bit! but im starting to grow sick of waiting and wanting!! and feeling like im on the one-sided love!! well, sometimes i just wanna shout it outloud in front of him to let him know how shit im feeling!! and what hes put me through!! Hell!!! thats the only word i can use here!!......
    i thought to myself that im not gonna ask much out of him!!! as long as we can go out together!! and work things out!! but then no matter what im trying, hes been turning me off!! and so theres no pt for me to try anymore!!
    i wonder if there is any way out there to turn these feelings into hatred so that i can just hate him right now!! and could care less if he wants me or not!! and i dont need to sit here and write these words!! which make me looked like an idiot and a "girl in love"
    well, if he thinks hes gonna intrige me just by ignoring me and i will make a move!! hes got it all wrong!! im not a dumbass!! and its not like im desperate!! too bad that he wouldnt see theres a girl who has real feelings towards him!! regardless of his imperfections!!
   oh well what more can i say!! its just too sad!! and frustrated!! maybe just becos im mentally worn out with exams!!
   oh well that should be it for today!! i will cya later!!

    Had a maths exam!! wasnt as good as i expected! but im still a bit happy that its gone!! but now one more after tomorrow!! so hard!!
   and Im so sick of having these feelings for someone like Michael!! I can see the pts clearly now that hes not worthy for me nor for my love!! but its hard to get him out of my head!!
    I asked a question and he answered as if he doesnt give a shit!! thats fine!! there is nothing i can do!! and im not gonna keep up with this!!
   Im gonna go out this w/e and find myself another guy!! im so tired of him!! and of myself as well!!
    well thats it for now!! at least i had somewhere to take out my frustration on!! cya all later!!

     having freaking exams right now!! so stressed!! couldnt sleep well for the last 4 days!!! all of my nerve system is so stressed out!! anything will help??
    but thinking that im gonna go for a date with Michael after the exams really keeps me going!! and thats why i hang on there!!! if not, i really would just give up already!!
     but yeah thats for now!!! cya later!!

    oh hey!!! 6/6/06!!! there are three six!! something s especial here!!
    but yeah

Im feeling so sorry and guilty for both myself to ppl who have to be friends with me!!

I hope they will forgive me somehow!! But I seriously need some adjustment on the way im conducting my life right now!! I will slowly stop bitching about ppl because everyone is different….I swear!!! I swear swear swear!!

My goals: 2 months with no alcohol and going out!!! No more kissing random guys!!  And maybe trying to turn into Michael girl version……*joking*!!!! That’s all for now!!! Bibibibibi!! Good night everyone!!